


A Memory to Sustain

by Aranei



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Heartbreak, Heavy Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-26
Updated: 2018-01-26
Packaged: 2019-03-09 13:26:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13482417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aranei/pseuds/Aranei
Summary: Inspired by this week's Camelot Drabble, Longing, but it was definitely too long for that.ABO AUnot beta'd, all mistakes are mine.





	A Memory to Sustain

Prince Arthur did not select an omega that first year he was eligible nor did he select one the following year. And despite threats from his father, King Uther, he didn’t select one the year after that. The omegas were lovely and enticing in their own way, but he couldn’t get the image of a boy out of his head. He had only seen him once, but close enough to remember his dark hair, his long lean lines and startling blue eyes. He had been drawn to him but at the time had no idea why or what to do about it. He knew his father would make good on his threat to find him a mate, no doubt some simpering royal princess he would dislike. He knew now he wanted the boy but his father would never allow it. 

Whatever omega Uther found, however, deserved better than him. They deserved someone at least interested. And he certainly deserved consideration of his happiness but that wasn’t going to happen. With all this preying on his mind, Arthur decided he needed time away. He wrote a note for his father knowing he would understand nothing. 

He put on old clothes with an old set of chainmail so that he looked like a sword for hire. He gathered only what he needed, one change of clothes, a bedroll, a pack with food, a knife, and a sword. He made certain he carried nothing that said Camelot or Prince and set off into the woods. He wasn’t leaving for good just long enough to come to some acceptance of his situation. He knew it came off as selfish and self-absorbed, but he felt that if he was going to have to live with being potentially unhappy then he was entitled to some time to get used to that. 

It took several days on foot but finally he ventured deep into the oldest woods where the trees were thick and the only life was furry, scaly or feathery. Once there it took three days for his shoulders to relax and another three to feel like he could take a deep breath. He had been venturing for a bit over a fortnight when he felt compelled to head in a certain direction. He had been walking almost a day when he came to it, a clearing. It was large and filled with plants. Lavender, yarrow, sage, rosemary, wild onion were a few of the ones that Arthur recognized. He moved to pluck a few herbs to add to his supplies when he saw it. Sat in the very back of the clearing was a house, really more a shack. It was clear from its appearance that someone lived there. As Arthur’s intent was to be alone, he decided to collect a few herbs and leave. Except that he found himself moving toward the house, inexplicably drawn. And then it came to him, a light scent, sweet, clean and crisp like a spring morning mixed with honey and burning wood.

Before Arthur knew what he was doing he was opening the door to the house. His vision quickly narrowed to a figure on a bed. All good manners seemed to cease as he stepped inside the house. He suddenly noticed his heart pounding hard in his chest as he made his way to the bed but still he couldn’t, wouldn’t stop himself. There, in the bed, dressed only in sleep pants, was the boy, or so he thought. His dark hair was longer and his body and face were filled in a bit, but he had the same lean lines. 

Arthur took a few moments to admire him, allowing his eyes to feast on the boy. The wild, unruly hair, incredibly sharp cheekbones, pink bow lips. His hairless chest, pale and toned, interrupted only by his dusky rose colored nipples. His flat stomach leading to slim hips and long legs. Suddenly he longed to touch, to possess, but he also wanted to be gentle. He reached out to touch the boy’s hair causing him to shift in his sleep and make a noise that made Arthur gasp with intense desire. 

The boy opened his eyes and stared for a moment. His face then split into a large smile as he reached up. “It’s you. I’ve been waiting.”

 

Despite his sudden burning lust for this boy, Arthur held himself back. He found himself not merely wanting to have the boy but to take his time, to care for him. And to do that he had to first learn his name. 

Merlin. The name amused Arthur as Merlin seemed nothing like the tough, graceful little hawks. Merlin was all limbs, clumsy and graceless but as he watched over the days he saw that there was strength of both body and character, a sharp mind and wit. And there was no doubt that he was clever and brave otherwise he wouldn’t have survived the streets of Camelot or here deep in the woods. 

Arthur learned of the little village where Merlin was born, of the mother who had loved and protected him and the sister he had adored. He also heard how Merlin had learned what he was. He didn’t say the words abomination or curse but Arthur could hear it nonetheless. Of course he grew afraid for his mother and did the only thing he could think to do. He left to find his way only to end up a street urchin, cold, hungry and desperate. And then a man had discovered his secret. Merlin looked at him earnestly when he said, “You saved me. I was able to get away.” He had run, far and hard, but had not forgotten the man who had saved him. 

Arthur spoke carefully of his life as a prince. He had never known what it meant to be truly cold, hungry and desperate with nowhere to turn. He did know about life and death and fighting to stay alive and he knew what it was to be a target for both good and bad. But he had a more than comfortable life to make up for those things. He often marveled at those who persisted despite brutal conditions and especially Merlin as he also fought against unimaginable persecution for something beyond his control. 

The clearing was beautiful, quiet and restful but there wasn’t much for Arthur to do except hunt, fish and help Merlin. And what Merlin did turned out to be incredibly boring. He did teach Arthur which herbs and mushrooms were edible when raw. He showed him how to make bandages from spider web and honey. Although he knew how to use moss for water and shelter, Merlin showed him how to use it for wounds. He made Arthur learn to make elixirs for pain and dyspepsia and poultices for infections and rashes. Arthur could see the value in these things and thought the knights should learn this as well. 

As day after day turned into a week and a week turned into two, they danced around each other. Arthur walked a line between wanting to give himself over and knowing that he would have to leave. For his part, had tried to think this through, worked himself over about it, but it always ended badly. He had had to be honest with himself. His father would forbid this and likely punish Merlin just to make a point. His friends would support him but it didn’t matter. No member of the Court would stand against Uther. It hurt tremendously to know that what he had been looking for, the person that made him happy, was right here, right now and he couldn’t take him home. Sometimes when he looked at Merlin the ache was so deep he couldn’t catch his breath. He didn’t want to leave but he also knew that this couldn’t continue. He was living in a fantasy and something would change that.

It is said that a male omega is a curse, that he would bring you nothing but ruin and devastation. That he would cause crops to rot, cows to go dry and sickness upon your house. Arthur, however, thought nothing of the kind. He instead had come to realize that it was Merlin cursed by ignorance and superstition to always be left behind, wanting and waiting, alone. He felt desperate to do something, but he had no idea what to do.

 

They were sat in front of the fire at the end of a long day. Merlin sat in a chair while he worked on repairing a shirt. He stopped for a moment to look at Arthur. He couldn’t help but admire his profile, the strong shape of his nose and his decidedly sexy mouth. It was obvious from the way he sat on the floor staring into the flames that he was clearly lost in thought. “They will come looking for you soon.”

It took Arthur a moment to turn his attention to Merlin. “What?” 

Merlin kept a careful eye on the stitch he was making, “They will come looking for you soon.” He paused for a second to look over at Arthur. “It’s time for you to go home.”

Arthur shifted to face him, a look of uncertainty on his face. “Do you want me to leave?”

Merlin finished with the stitch and set the shirt in his lap. “What I want doesn’t matter.”

Arthur was struck by the sadness in Merlin’s voice. He moved close to Merlin putting a hand on one of his knees. “Don’t say that. It matters to me.”

Merlin gave him a bittersweet smile “I know.”

“Then I don’t understand,” Arthur said with confusion.

Merlin reached over to brush some hair out of Arthur’s eyes. “I’ve watched you Arthur. I could almost hear you thinking. I know you have been trying to find a way to make this work out. But now it’s time to be honest.”

Arthur moved closer to him, “I’ll figure something out.”

Merlin took Arthur’s hand in his massaging his large palm with his thumbs. “Arthur, sometimes things don’t go the way we want and there isn’t a way to change that.”

Arthur tried to cover the desperation in his voice, “When I’m king...”

Merlin squeezed his hand as he brought to his lips effectively cutting him off. “You will have been long married with children to raise and a kingdom to look after and I will be nothing but a distant memory.”

Arthur furrowed his brow as he prepared to make a declaration. “I can stay.”

“You can, as long as you want,” Merlin said with a calm he didn’t feel. He simply swallowed around the pain he felt in his chest. He only hoped Arthur wouldn’t notice how hard his heart beat. “But they are going to come looking for you.” He took a deep breath not bothering to blink back the tears in his eyes. “You are an honorable man, Arthur Pendragon. You will not turn away from your duties and responsibilities. They are a part of who you are.”

Arthur had moved forward on his knees with his hands gripping tightly at Merlin’s thighs. “I could for you. I could give it all up.”

“Oh Arthur.” Merlin put his hands on Arthur’s face caressing his cheeks and chin. He laughed lightly. “I can’t see you toiling away as an herb farmer.”

 

It wasn’t two days that he spotted them at the edge of the clearing. Four knights of Camelot in their shining mail and red capes. Merlin watched them from the front area of the house, waiting. After a few moments one approached. He had a mop of curly auburn hair and a light beard that he found pleasing. He was also following the paths Merlin had made through the plants. Already he liked this one who introduced himself as Sir Leon. They had barely exchanged introductions when Arthur came round the corner of the house. Merlin gave them their privacy. The knights would be back the day after next a couple hours after dawn. 

That night Merlin had laid thinking. He could have admitted in the small hours of the morning that he cared deeply for Arthur, perhaps even loved him. He was, after all, a Golden Prince and a Shining Knight all rolled in one. He had thought that telling him to go home had been hard, but it didn’t compare to the genuine thing. He had one more day and night with him and he planned to make the most of it. 

Arthur was up early. And although they didn’t say much to each other, they stayed close, sharing each chore. Though he tried to make it last, the day passed too quickly. It seemed in no time at all they were sat close together in front of the fire after dinner.

Merlin tried to hide the mild blush on his cheeks. “Arthur.” Arthur took Merlin’s hand in his and smiled. “Arthur, I want to ask something of you.”

Arthur squeezed his hand lightly, “Anything.”

“I want you to....” The blush on his cheeks reddened as he brought Arthur’s hand to his chest. The rest he completed in his head too embarrassed to ask what he wanted but thought to himself a memory to sustain myself once you are gone. 

Arthur felt compelled as a scent wafted over him. “You..” It wasn’t so strong that he couldn’t resist but he didn’t want to.

“Please,” Merlin whispered.

Arthur didn’t hesitate to pull him into his arms.

 

Arthur watched the first rays of sunlight come through the window. He pulled close the warm body nestled next to his attempting to memorize the sight before him. The mess of dark hair, shell of a too large ear he found appealing, pink bow lips slightly parted. Before long though it was time. They got out of bed together. He couldn’t stomach the idea of food so Merlin helped him dress taking his time to adjust every seam. When he finished they stood staring at one another. “I’ll be back.”

“Just .. be happy.” Merlin gave him a watery smile. He wasn’t going to cry, at least not till he was gone. 

Arthur pulled a ring from his finger and pushed it into Merlin’s hand. “If you ever need me.”

Merlin squeezed the ring tightly in his hand as he hugged Arthur. “I know where to find you.” He watched until Arthur had long since disappeared, the memory of him fresh on his skin. When he finally looked away he didn’t bother trying to dry his tears.


End file.
